i don’t think it works anymore;
distanced by discontent,
can’t convince it to let me close.
nearer i struggle so,
fights and resists against me, it follows.
twists and struggles, it tries,
pain creeps closer
and wriths into and deeper all over.
i can’t let it all go,
can’t will to let it go,
for it is me.
The best writers are the lonely ones. They are those whose writing become a manifestation of their misfortunes, of their hunger for change, their cries for help… for there is no stronger muse but that in the spirit of being alone, in the dead of night, amid all the thoughts and worries of the day exacerbated by the hundreds.
In this sense I know we are all writers at heart - lonely, scared, and with no place to go but the written word.
seriously with my awesome math grade and you know shit, or life, in general.
just gonna train and focus on sunday; everything else is being a fucking pain.
wtf 70 seconds laps not funny man.
indie phase? o.O
2xLongIslandTea= head hurts, cannot walk straight, trip over branch while trying to walk home
surprisingly, my thoughts were completely clear
love is like a blinding light,
paving a path for the blind and the deaf,
the lost and intoxicated.
don’t kill me :D
not worth reading, really.
I really should feel bad for all the bullshit and convoluted half-truths i feed my parents. But i really don’t, i think? It’s just too damn confusing and the way i see it, i’m scamming my way out of shit because i basically am in trouble or some kind of shit all the fucking time. But yeah this is round-the-bush crap, i’m trying to warm up my brain for the rant.
Okay so as of now, i got U for phys and chem and according to my sources i should have passed maths and if my fail econs, whathefuckit i studied so hard. Anyway the problem, as with every bunch of tests and exams, i have to think of some crap to tell the folks so they don’t go up my ass too much. Chem was seriously fucking retarded, i shouldn’t have studied it at all and honestly the way i see it, that pisses me off the most cause i actually did work, but noooo the paper was just shit. Yeah i can tell my parents more than half the level got Us and Ss, but seriously they aren’t fucking statisticians, they’re parents. Ain’t no fucking trend is going to make them feel better and more importantly a bunch of averages ain’t gonna get me out of trouble. So yeah if i say how basically the whole class deproved in physics, it’s not going to make a dent. That’s just awesome, i mean fuck how the numbers show a cheebai paper was set, let’s just screw Michael for failing. It’s like telling a blind person to describe the colours of the motherfucking rainbow.
Yeah whathehell fuck the grades, now that i think about it they expect me to do well. Like why!? All this- thinking your kid is the brightest bulb of the lot is just a lot of crap. Seriously. My sis was telling me, they don’t expect her to pass anything but nooo i’m getting fucked if i don’t ace maths and do passably well for physics. Whathefuckyou man people. Inclination my ass, right now all i’m inclined to is getting my ass whopped in all ways possible. So since my science brain is relatively so much bigger than my sister’s i seriously get all the fucking expectations thrown on my face. And like wth if they can treat my sister like a fucking genius for getting passes, what’s wrong with doing the same for me, because after all right now i have like no brains. I really hate all that expectations bullshit, especially for other people because the way i see it, is if you put more weight on me i’m just gonna take it and shove it down your throat so you’ll shuthefuckup and leave me alone.
Personally i gave up on expecting things out of myself because i’m pretty much an non-existent achiever for every aspect possible. Yeah i set myself up for failure my not-giving-any-fuck, so when i really do fail, i don’t get too bummed over it because i just don’t give enough fuck anymore. Vicious cycle, i don’t care. Confidence is for people with evidence of not being total losers.
Honestly, I’d be slightly more interested in studying if i didn’t fail at everything regardless of whether i put in hardwork. What the hell as working hard done for me. And don’t even let me get on started on the running and everything.
i am number four
quite shiok ah tired gonna sleep early there goes doing work fml.
you have no fucking idea
slipping smiles and subject switches.
i think Alehvels is some cheebai.
Survival is the point,
the one and only.
With as much sanity
and limbs with dexterity.
With tasks like this
and people like you,
work pours down like piss
and problems come in two.
So it’s true that i can’t afford
to feel is just another avenue
to hurt, to deprive,
making it so much harder to survive.
no mood to sleep whaaddafuckkk