in black & white

insecurity. self-pity. inferiority complex. self-esteem. ego.

you see.

there was once a time when i an idiot. okay, a bigger idiot than i was. and like all idiot, i felt fearless and thought i was invincible.

and well after summarising, shit happened. and now i’m less of an idiot and more of pussy.

so i just opened my hotmail inbox after a gazillion years. and hey look, there’s a new format. and it’s shows whatever people update their pm on msn.

and now i’m staring at mine, and wondering what the fuck i am doing.

on a totally awesome and less serious note, SUPERNATURAL is FUCKingAWESOME.

life is becoming more and more like a chem lesson.

everything’s in place, except my head.

when everyone says you can’t

when the people you love hand it to you
or when the people you hate fling it,

when you’re out of time with nothing to cut,
and there’s nothing you haven’t tried

when there’s nothing below you
and everything’s out of reach,

when your head’s screaming,
and your lungs, on fire,

you stand tall, smile and tell them to suck it
OR choose one of the following.

“bite me”
“watch me”

and my personal favourite,

“fuck. you.”

what the hell happened to my font.

anyway universities BAH.

louder, shorter and ruder in real life.

bah good deeds kinda suck.

you’re more perfect everyday,
and it pains me to notice
there’s always so much to say.
but there’s life and time,
many more to meet and rhyme,
and what i feel will never be mine.

i like totally did homework today la! damn proded. makes me feel super weird thought.

grah i’m studying so i don’t waste one year of my life.

i think that’s a good reason.

i really wanna do fartlek haiz it seems painfully awesome.

and omg why are people so stupid.

fuck this first draft grah. anyhow do la knnccb.

choosing between a pw deadline and you is pretty hard. really lor fuck la pw waste my life.

Julianna Guill-

the main cause of global warming.

nahbeh stupid muscle/tendon/ligament bitch.

liddat how to run.

heal faster please.

feedfuzzynow:

you okay?

i think i’ll survive :/

tired. like brain really blurry. what a weekend pah.

i’m coming out of my cage,
and i’ve been doing just fine.
Gotta gotta be down,
because i want it all.

meh spam pw. actually finished maths. long run later. maybe even chem.
zzzzzzzzzz.

i was initially going to rant. then i got lazy, so i changed my mind. then i felt like it again. then i realised i shouldn’t say it explicitly. then i felt i should express it so that i’d hopefully feel better. so now i’m here.

yes, i don’t believe you know what hardwork is. you don’t understand the idea of struggle. you haven’t grasped the idea of helplessness. since when have you ever needed to sincerely work your butt of for anything. parents come with wide boundaries. friends, in bucketfuls and acquaintances in truckloads. grades come effortlessly with minimal effort. opportunities naturally lie down infront of you. there’s never a real need for time, for choices, for space and money too, of course. because they all came in a bundled deal. there’s nothing you’ve had to beg for, nothing you wanted but truly couldn’t obtain, nothing you can’t really do.

i’ve skimmed over struggle and fought through helplessness. worked hard for things, which no one really notices. parents breathe down my long neck, you never fail to advertise. friends in handfuls and that’s basically it. my memory’s a wreck which practially doesn’t do anything unless i study, and my grades follow suit. chances float way above me and everything else seems over my head. there’s probably nothing but my laziness stopping me from everything, but my life has boundaries set by everyone else and some things sit beyond them. there’s quite a few i can’t do.

so i hope, not ask, to be treated fairly. as an equal with few similarities in capability, but common things nonetheless. but no. piss right over me.

so i’m jealous. i’m pissed. and have no idea what the fuck to do.

boring. slept alot. talked abit. melted in class. listened a little. felt weird. comparing marks. joke. super-filling recess. legs PMSing. brain wasn’t anywhere. mind everywhere. got buggered. unexpected. confusion followed. still am. annoying me. very tired. econs hw cheem shit. waste time. fml.

this is my 1002 post. whoopee. pfft.

okay la chem kinda bummed me out. and gp was fine. but aiyahlamak i feel like crap.

pfft. tired legs don’t help one bit.

mel-dc:

(via paperchasing, wordjournal)

^^

screwy internet.

mad mad world,
you’re driving me insane,
with what you say
and what you mean,
there’s more than answers
and coming clean.

attempting to do hw. fuck me alright. pfft.